


to be young and in love

by maeung



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, childhood best friends dojae
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-19 05:42:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19350655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maeung/pseuds/maeung
Summary: Jaehyun’s quiet for a few moments, and Doyoung’s about to drift off to sleep again when he speaks up. It’s so soft he almost misses it.“I know who my soulmate is.”





	to be young and in love

**Author's Note:**

> lol i wrote this at 4 am

Everyone has a soulmate.

Television is littered with shows about two people meeting and suddenly realizing they’re meant-to-be. Movies play worn-out storylines about worlds bursting into color at the first eye contact, chasing through crowds to try to find that special someone.

Soulmates are constants. How you discover them, is not.

A timer tattooed on Doyoung’s father’s wrist hit zero as soon as he met Doyoung’s mom. Doyoung’s mother caught glimpses of her soulmate’s life up until their first kiss. Doyoung inherited that same skill from his mother.

 

At four years old, Doyoung blinks and is suddenly in a dining room, one he doesn’t recognize as his own. The walls are covered in pale yellow wallpaper and someone is setting down a plate of spaghetti in front of his face. He blinks again and is back in his own kitchen, his little brother Jeno crying in the corner while his mother tries to feed him applesauce. “Mama, I just traveled to another house!”

“That’s nice honey. Jeno baby, can you _please_ eat your lunch? It’s good for you!” She pleads. Jeno cries even louder.

 

He doesn’t have many visions that year, but he does remember seeing a toy firetruck he’d never laid eyes on in front of him suddenly, hands that weren’t his own driving the truck around the room. Doyoung shrugs it off and asks for a firetruck for his birthday, and when he gets it, he’s content.

 

Doyoung is five, and his parents force him to go with them to another family’s home for a Christmas party. It’s cold outside, and Doyoung welcomes the warmth as he steps into the dining room, familiar pale-yellow wallpaper on the walls. He ignores the weird feeling in favor of pulling off his mittens that have now become soggy with snow since he made the executive decision to get in a snowball fight with his dad and little brother on the walk over.

“Doyoung, say hi to the Jungs.”

“Hello,” Doyoung smiles, a large gap in his teeth showing proudly, “my name is Kim Doyoung. Merry Christmas! Hi Jungs!”

The two adults look at each other in an odd way that Doyoung can’t name—because Doyoung is only five and therefore only recognizes happy and not-happy as emotions—and lean down to coo, the mother patting down Doyoung’s hair, which was stuck up from the winter hat he wore. “Isn’t he adorable?”

“And the same age as our son,” the father says, smiling at Doyoung. “Jaehyun? Where are you?”

A young boy hurries into the room, wearing a red sweater and a chocolate grin. “Yeah dad?”

“Did you steal another cookie young-man?” Jaehyun’s mother scolded.

“No,” Jaehyun says innocently, ignoring the smear of chocolate on his face. “But what is it?”

“Meet Kim Doyoung. His family lives down the street. Be nice to him,” she says pointedly.

Jaehyun grins, and reaches out to tug on Doyoung’s hand. “C’mon, I’ll show you around!”

Doyoung smiles back tentatively before letting himself to dragged away. When pointing out embarrassing photos on the wall of Jaehyun’s younger brother, a two-year-old named Mark, Doyoung notices a black scribble on the underside of Jaehyun’s wrist. But Doyoung’s only five, and cannot read (especially not cursive), so he pays it no mind, instead choosing to devote all of his attention to his new friend.

 

Doyoung just turns six, and he has a best friend. “What’s that?” Doyoung asks, pointing at Jaehyun’s wrist. They’re sitting on the swings on Jaehyun’s play set, pausing briefly in their daily competition of ‘who-can-swing-higher-wait-stop-hitting-your-feet-against-mine-that’s-cheating.’

“This?” Jaehyun says, “it’s a watch. You use it to tell time.”

“Why do you have it?”

Jaehyun shrugs, “my dad gave it to me. I dunno, he said it would be useful.”

Doyoung’s brows furrow and he nods. “He’s right. Time is important. What time is it?”

Jaehyun squints at the face of the watch, “uh, I don’t know. It’s one of the circle clocks so I haven’t learned yet.”

Doyoung looked up at the sun, shining above them. “Looks like noon.”

“Yeah,” Jaehyun says, looking up as well. “You’re probably right.”

 

Doyoung’s in his last year of middle school, when he finally gets frustrated.

“Mom, how many visions did you get when you were little?” He whines, his chin resting on top of his math folder that he had thrown on the kitchen counter.

Doyoung’s mother laughs and turns around from the sink, wiping off a glass before settling it on the counter. “Not very many, maybe once or twice a year. They’ll get more frequent as you get older. Why?”

“I don’t know anything about him,” Doyoung pouts. “Jeno has a countdown tattooed on his hand, that’s so easy! All he has to do is wait!”

“You know some things.”

“Yeah, like he plays soccer. My last two visions have just been soccer.”

“That’s something, he’s athletic.” Doyoung’s mom smiled, “look on the bright side, you can narrow it down to just soccer players.”

Doyoung sighs. “Jaehyun’s a soccer player, maybe they’ve met.”

“You could ask him.”

“Probably not.” Doyoung rolls his eyes, “whenever I bring up soulmates to him he just gets all weird and quiet.”

“Ah,” Doyoung’s mom turns back around to finish the dishes. “Then I guess you better keep looking.”

 

It’s two weeks after Doyoung celebrated his 16th birthday, and he helps Jaehyun blow out his candles. “Happy birthday!” He yells along with their friends.

Jaehyun grins. “Guess what I wished for?”

“A girlfriend?” their friend, Ten snickers.

“If Jaehyun wanted a girlfriend he would already have one,” Doyoung rolls his eyes, “he rejects so many confessions everyday.”

Jaehyun looks at Doyoung, “maybe the right person hasn’t confessed.”

“Oh who?” Ten asks, leaning forward excitedly, “tell us!”

Jaehyun smiles, “it’s a secret.”

Later, once the cake is finished and Jaehyun is driving home, having already dropped off Ten, Doyoung pulls a small box out of his pocket.

Jaehyun briefly glances away from the road, “I thought we agreed we weren’t getting each other gifts since our birthdays are so close together.”

“I know, but I saw it in the store and I knew you would love it.”

“You’ve fallen for the tricks of capitalism yet again, I see.”

“Sadly,” Doyoung laughs and they stop in front of a redlight. “Open it.”

Jaehyun takes his hands off the wheel and unwraps the crinkled blue paper covering a small black leather box. “This looks expensive,” Jaehyun says hesitantly.

“Open it,” Doyoung repeats impatiently.

Jaehyun gingerly opens the box. “Oh Doyoung, you shouldn’t have.”

“I wanted to give it to you,” Doyoung smiles as they both look at the gold watch. “You’re always wearing the old watch your dad gave you, I figured that you could use a new one.”

Jaehyun picks up the brown leather strap, the watch dangling between his fingers. “I don’t know what to say, how much did it cost?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Doyoung says, like his wallet wasn’t significantly lighter. “It’s engraved too.”

Jaehyun flips the watch over, smiling softly when he sees the words. “To my forever friend, always stay by my side. Doyoung.”

“Is it too cheesy? Jeno said it was cheesy but—”

“Oh I love it.” Jaehyun says and turns toward Doyoung, his eyes blurry.

“Oh my god, are you crying?” Jaehyun answers Doyoung by leaning over to hug Doyoung in the passenger seat. He leans back, his arms still encircling Doyoung’s frame and his eyes flick downward. Doyoung involuntarily leans forward, something in the air that he can’t name. He doesn’t know what’s about to happen, and he isn’t sure he wants to know but oh my god oh my god oh my—

A car beeps behind them.

They immediately jerk back. Doyoung’s ears are flushed as he looks out the window, the both of them saying nothing as Jaehyun moves back to the wheel and starts driving again. There’s a thing boys their age do, where they just ignore whatever just happened and move on like nothing’s different. Doyoung and Jaehyun, in silence, both agree to do the same.

They make it back to Jaehyun’s house and as Doyoung changes into his sleeping clothes, he watches Jaehyun stand in front of his mirror, removing his old watch to replace it with Doyoung’s. Doyoung squints, as a flash of Jaehyun’s wrist is shown and he thinks for a second he sees a dark black tattoo, like a curvy line but Jaehyun shifts his body and it’s blocked again. Doyoung blinks, and it’s immediately forgotten.

 

Doyoung’s about to leave for college, and he’s sitting in Jaehyun’s room, frantically helping him pack. “I can’t believe you pushed all of this aside until literally the day before move-in-day!”

Jaehyun pokes his head out of his closet and smiles, “I like living in the moment.”

“I know,” Doyoung rolls his eyes, “you’re going to be a horrible roommate.”

“Aw don’t be like that Doie, you love me.” Jaehyun’s voice yells out of the closet, followed by a pile of sweatshirts that land on the bed. “Besides, this will be good for us. You can make sure I stay alive.”

Doyoung sighs and digs through Jaehyun’s shelf. He lets out a laugh, holding up an old, worn, toy firetruck. “Do you want to take this?”

“Hey! That used to be my favorite toy when I was little,” Jaehyun says, stepping out of the closet and grabbing it out of Doyoung’s hands before gingerly setting it back on the shelf.

“What about these?” Doyoung asks, “your watch collection?” He holds up a large box filled with the timepieces. “Oh hey, here’s the Buzz Lightyear one you wore all of third grade.”

“I’ll go through those later to figure out which ones I’ll take.”

“Maybe one day it’ll be a Rolex,” Doyoung snorts, sitting down on the bed and folding the sweatshirts.

“For now, I’m fine with my AppleWatch Series 4, Rose Gold,” Jaehyun says casually, flexing his wrist like it was nothing. Doyoung eyes the watch, which is decidedly not an AppleWatch Series 4, Rose Gold.

“God you’re annoying. We all know you’ve worn the same watch I got you for the last few years.”

Jaehyun smiles, looking down at the worn brown leather band. “Yes sir.”

 

“It’s bigger than what I thought it would be.”

“That’s what she said,” Jaehyun says, pushing past Doyoung in the doorway to set down a box heavily on the bed.

“You’re disgusting,” Doyoung rolls his eyes, carrying in a box of his own things into their dorm room as well.

“Oh can we take a picture of you two?” Doyoung’s mom squeals, pulling out a camera.

“Our little boys, all grown up,” Jaehyun’s mom agrees and gestures for the two of them to lean together.

Doyoung and Jaehyun sighed before stepping towards each other, Jaehyun flinging his arm around Doyoung’s shoulder.

“Say cheese!”

“Say, I’m excited to move in for my first year of college!”

The flash goes off, blinding Doyoung momentarily. When he can finally see again, Jaehyun is grinning at him.

“Aren’t you excited?”

Doyoung laughs, “of course.”

 

“Annoying, just when I thought I’d get rid of you, we go to the same college and live together. Even after that we still aren’t alone because _you_ just had to sign up for the same class—”

“Doie chill,” Jaehyun laughs, stuffing his hands in the pocket of his denim jacket as they walk to their first class. “It’s a gen-ed writing class we’re all required to take.”

“You didn’t have to take the same module as me.” Doyoung rolls his eyes.

“Why not? Don’t you love me?” Jaehyun teases, his dimple carving into his cheeks.

“Maybe,” Doyoung says while pulling open the door, walking into the blissful air conditioned halls. “Hurry up, we can’t be late on our first day.”

Jaehyun checks his watch. “We’re five minutes early.”

“What if the professor’s watch is off? Or we get lost?”

“Oh I think it’s right here. 104.” Jaehyun says, looking over and pointing at a nearby door.

“Oh,” Doyoung says dumbly before he follows Jaehyun into the room. It’s a big lecture hall, filled with rows and rows of seats. Everyone in the class had the same idea as Doyoung, and the room was full.

“Over there,” Jaehyun nudges Doyoung’s shoulder, leading him towards the center of the room.

Doyoung sets his stuff down at an empty seat. “Is this seat occupied?” He asks the person sitting next to it.

The boy pulls an airpod out of his ear, shaking his head. “Nah, you’re good. What’s up, my name’s Johnny Seo.”

“Kim Doyoung,” Doyoung smiles. “I’m majoring in biology.”

“Jung Jaehyun, business,” Jaehyun reaches out his hand to Johnny, who just looks at it.

“Aye man, what are we, in a meeting?” Johnny ignores Jaehyun’s offer of a handshake. Jaehyun awkwardly lowers his hand and Doyoung stifles a laugh under his breath. “So you two already know each other?”

“Uh yeah, we’re best friends.”

“That’s cool. This is Lee Taeyong, I’ve only known him for like five minutes.” Next to Johnny a boy who is intimidatingly pretty casts a glance towards them. At the sight of Johnny’s grin he rolls his eyes and faces forward again. Doyoung shivers. “What a friendly dude,” Johnny says, leaning back in his seat. “C’mon, you won’t make any friends being all aloof and shit.”

Taeyong sighs before turning and looking over towards Jaehyun and Doyoung. “Lee Taeyong, chemistry. It’s nice to meet you.” Taeyong says, sounding like it wasn’t nice to meet them at all.

“Oh hey, I forgot to say my major. I’m in psychology.” Johnny smiles right as the light flicks off. “Hey, after class do y’all wanna grab lunch?” He whispers as the professor starts to talk.

Doyoung and Jaehyun look at each other, and not wanting to look like complete social outcasts, they nod.

 

The class is packing up when Johnny stands up. “C’mon, let’s go. I heard the dining hall is smack.”

“I heard it makes people sick.” Jaehyun says.

“Only one way to find out,” Johnny grins. He starts walking down the stairs, Jaehyun close behind.

Doyoung shoves his notebook into his bookbag. He glances to his side, seeing Taeyong do the same. “Hey do you want to come eat lunch with us?” He asks awkwardly.

Taeyong pauses, “um—”

“I’m sure it’ll be fun. That Johnny guy, he seems entertaining.”

Taeyong chews on his lip before he nods. “Okay.”

Doyoung smiles. “Hurry up, we don’t want to keep them waiting.”

Taeyong laughs slightly, “you’re probably right.”

 

“So I was running away from this massive dog and my friend Yuta, he goes here by-the-way, jumps over a fence but I like couldn’t do it even though I’m taller than that bastard,” Johnny pauses in his story to take a giant bite of his sandwich. He swallows before continuing, “So I’m stuck there, and I try to pull myself over the fence and I finally do but _wait,_ I lost my shoe.”

“Like Cinderella?” Jaehyun smirks.

“Yes exactly. Anyways, that’s why my shoes are two different colors.”

“Wow,” Taeyong deadpans, “how realistic.”

“What, are you accusing me of being a liar?” Johnny asks, his face so shocked that Doyoung can’t help but burst into laughter.

“You have to admit,” Doyoung says, trying to catch his breath, “it seems a bit unrealistic.”

“A dog ate my fucking shoe!” Johnny says, eyes wide like he was reliving the experience.

Taeyong cracks a smile. “Tragic.”

 

“Are you going out again?” Doyoung asks from where he’s sitting on his bed. “We’re only a few months into freshman year, don’t waste it away partying.”

“Yeah,” Jaehyun smiles, “Johnny says there’s a party at Delta Kappa Sig tonight. He knows Yeri so we have an in. You wanna come?”

Doyoung looks at his open laptop where a blank document stares back at him, the cursor blinking mockingly. “Not tonight, I think I’ll ask Taeyong over so we can do some work.”

“Okay,” Jaehyun says, pulling on a hoodie. “It’s uh,” he pulls back the sleeve and glanced at his watch. Doyoung hums in satisfaction at the sight of his familiar gift. “9:30 already, make sure not to stay up too late doing work or else you’ll get cranky.”

“Yeah yeah,” Doyoung says, texting Taeyong and already mentally preparing himself to pull an all-nighter. “I’ll try my best.”

“Mhm,” Jaehyun says and opens the door. “I mean it, be done before 3AM.”

Doyoung looks up, making eye contact with Jaehyun. He sighs at his friend’s concerned look. “Be safe, okay?”

“I will,” Jaehyun says, leaning over and rustling Doyoung’s hair. Doyoung glares, wrapping his blanket tighter around his shoulders. “Cute,” Jaehyun mutters before he stands up straight again and leaves the room.

Doyoung sighs, looking around the empty room. He’ll be fine though, Taeyong will get there soon enough. Doyoung blinks and suddenly he’s in another person’s shoes, walking down a hallway in what looks like to be a dorm building? The person turns their head to other right, and Doyoung sees a bulletin board. _Join the SNU Arts Club!_ One of the posters reads. He blinks again, and he’s back in his dorm room. His eyes widen, SNU, his soulmate is at his college! His breath quickens as he grabs his phone, texting Taeyong.

**[DOYOUNG]: hurry up!!**

**[TAEYONG]: chill i’m just leaving my dorm**

**[DOYOUNG]: can you bring some soju? i have a lot to unpack tonight**

**[TAEYONG]: i thought we were supposed to work on our bio project**

**[DOYOUNG]: it can wait this is important**

**[TAEYONG]: fine :/**

 

Taeyong barges into Doyoung’s room, bottles of soju clinking in the tote bag he insists on using at convenience stores. “What’s up?”

“I had a vision.”

Taeyong blinks, “I’m sorry what?”

“I get visions. Of my soulmate.”

“Ah,” Taeyong nods in understanding. He sits down next to Doyoung on the bed.

Doyoung cracks open a bottle, downing almost half of it in one go. “I’ve never gotten anything useful before but this time, I saw a poster for a club at SNU. My soulmate goes here, oh my god!” He looks frantically at Taeyong, “it’s happening holy shit.”

Taeyong sips from his own bottle, “well what do we do now? There’s a lot of people at SNU.”

“I could’ve already met them! I don’t know.”

“Which parent did you inherit your,” Taeyong gestures with the bottle, “thing from?”

“My mom. She said that once you start getting older then the visions become more frequent until you find that person. After your first kiss,” Doyoung blushes like a third grader, “then you stop having them.”

“Okay so then all we can do is wait.” Taeyong says, “just wait for more visions.”

Doyoung sighs. “All this stuff is so maddening.”

“Uh huh,” Taeyong says, and downs another gulp, wincing. “The universe works in weird ways.”

Doyoung nods. “Do you mind?”

“Mind what?” Taeyong looks at Doyoung quizzically.

“What’s your soulmate identifier?” Maybe it’s the alcohol that causes Doyoung to let the question slip from his lips. Typically soulmate identifiers are very personal, and not everyone likes to share.

Taeyong frowns, “it’s pretty dumb.”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Doyoung says, hiding his curiosity.

“Nah it’s fine,” Taeyong says and chugs what’s left of his bottle. “I have a tattoo.” He tugs down his t-shirt collar, revealing tiny font on the line of his collarbone.

“Oh,” Doyoung breathes out, leaning forward and squinting to read the text. _“Oh.”_

Taeyong blushes. “I know,” he whines, “isn’t it horrible?”

“Not really?” Doyoung says hesitantly.

Taeyong let’s go of his collar. “It says ‘god, who shoved a stick up his ass?’ That’s horrible.” Taeyong rolls his eyes. “I got it from my dad, our soulmate identifiers is the first thought our soulmate had about us. My dad got lucky, his is ‘he’s so handsome.’ I hate mine.” He moans.

“Well if it makes you feel better,” Doyoung finishes his bottle, “my first thought about you was ‘fuck he’s scary.’”

Taeyong cracks a smile, “it does make me feel a bit better.” Taeyong grabs another bottle. “Do you want to get wasted and watch Mad Men instead of working on our bio project?”

Doyoung follows suit. “God, yes.”

 

It’s dark, when Jaehyun stumbles into their room. Doyoung is barely still awake and he’s too tired to say anything.

“Doyoung?” Jaehyun whispers, “we’re back. Johnny’s gonna stay here for the night because his dorm is on the other side of campus.” Doyoung’s eyes flutter shut instead of giving a response.

“Oh look at them,” Johnny’s coos are slurred. “Are they asleep?”

“It looks like it,” Jaehyun laughs quietly. “Here, let’s tuck them into bed.” He steps forward, his foot hitting one of the bottles. “It looks like they had a party here instead.” Jaehyun sighs as he closes Doyoung’s laptop, setting it on his desk. “Help me dude.”

In the dark Doyoung can just barely make out Johnny hovering above him, arms outstretched before he jerks back. “Dude I can’t, you remember why.”

“Oh yeah,” Jaehyun says. “Whatever, I’ll just do it myself.”

Doyoung feels Taeyong’s body being placed next to his and a blanket being pulled over them. He keeps his eyes shut and tries to stay as still as possible. There’s a pause before Jaehyun threads his fingers through Doyoung’s hair and leans down. He can feel Jaehyun’s breath against his forehead before there’s a slight peck and Jaehyun steps away.

“Whipped,” Johnny mutters from where he’s also bundled in a blanket. “Can you kiss my forehead?”

“Ew, gross.” Jaehyun says, his voice getting further away. The entire time, Doyoung’s heart races, his mind trying to fight off the sluggish effects of the alcohol so he can comprehend what just happened, but ultimately, he loses the battle and falls asleep to the sound of Jaehyun and Johnny’s soft conversation.

 

“Which one?” Doyoung asks, holding up two shirts. “I don’t know which color would look best on me.”

Johnny squints, “Doyoung I’m colorblind.”

“Oh yeah,” Doyoung smiles awkwardly, “I forgot. Well which one do you think will look better?”

“What does it matter? We’re just meeting Jaehyun and Taeyong at a bar.”

“Nothing wrong with looking good.”

“Why? You plannin’ on hooking up with someone or something?”

Doyoung rolls his eyes, deciding on the left shirt and pulling off his t-shirt. Johnny whistles from where he’s sitting on the bed. “Oh shut up.” He mumbles while putting on the button-up. He looks into the mirror. “Maybe I should go with the other one.”

Johnny sighs. “Doyoung, you’ll look great in either one.”

Doyoung frowns. “Are you sure? Because—”

 _“Yes,_ you do. Doyoung, you’re good looking okay? And you have a pretty good heart under all that, so you’ll be able to charm your way into anyone’s pants. That is, if you want to.”

Doyoung glances at Johnny through the mirror, his face softening. “Thank you Johnny.”

“Anytime. Now, can we _please_ go?”

 

Doyoung’s setting up before class, putting his laptop on the table while Jaehyun, Johnny and Taeyong chat around him, all four of them savoring the one shared class they have.

“Do you want to try that new thai place for lunch?” Johnny asks, “I heard it’s pretty good.” He sits down in his seat, being careful to lean forward so Taeyong can get around him without bumping into him.

“Yeah we could,” Jaehyun says, sitting down as well.

“I haven’t had good thai food in ages,” Taeyong says wistfully, “I miss it.”

“Then it’s settled, we’ll go.” Jaehyun laughs and faces forward. Doyoung blinks.

In his nineteen years of life, he’s had a lot of practice with the visions. At this point, he knows how to tell the difference between when he’s in the real world, and when he’s in someone else’s world. The edges are a little blurry, and everything sounds like it’s coming through a thick layer of water.

That happens when Doyoung blinks. If he didn’t know about the signs, he probably wouldn’t have noticed anything. Because almost nothing changes. The writing on the blackboard is still there, the professor is still getting ready, just a slightly different angle. Doyoung blinks again and everything’s back to normal.

His hands are shaking.

“Are you okay? Doyoung?” Jaehyun asks, looking at him with concern.

“Hey what’s wrong?” Johnny asks.

“I had another one.” Doyoung looks over at Taeyong. _“He’s here.”_ He hisses.

“Another vision?” Taeyong says.

 _“Visions?”_ Jaehyun says, incredulous. “Hold up, what’s going on?”

“I think I should leave for a second.” Doyoung says, putting his stuff in his bag and standing up.

“Class is about to start,” Jaehyun says, “Taeyong, tell him to stay—”

“I’ll go with him,” Taeyong nods and stands up as well.

Jaehyun stands up too, “then I’m going too.”

Doyoung doesn’t care, he’s too busy walking out of the classroom.

Johnny shrugs, “fieldtrip, I guess.”

“What’s going on?” Jaehyun’s voice bounces off the halls.

“I’ll tell you, just—just give me a second okay?” Doyoung bites back. He glances around, spotting an empty classroom and dragging Taeyong into it.

“What’s going on?” Jaehyun repeats as they all file into the classroom. Doyoung sits himself down on the desk and sighs.

“My soulmate is in our class.”

Johnny smiles, “congrats! Who is it?”

“You had a vision in class?” Taeyong asks.

“How do you know?”

Doyoung frowns, “my soulmate identifier is visions. I basically see snippets of whatever my soulmate is experiencing. It’s completely random. And I had one just now, and my soulmate was sitting somewhere in the classroom. And Johnny, I don’t know who it is. Not yet.”

“Oh this is so exciting!” Taeyong says, “you said you know your soulmate is a guy right?”

“Well they played on a male soccer team, so probably.”

“Okay so all we need to do is figure out who all the guys in our class are, and narrow it down from there!” Taeyong grins. “Johnny, don’t you play intramural soccer? See if there’s any overlap with your team and our class. He might not still play soccer, but it’s a place to start!”

“Oh it,” Johnny says.

Doyoung smiles, “thanks guys, you’re the best.” He turns to Jaehyun, his smile still wide, but then it falters. “Hey, are you okay?”

Jaehyun’s looking down, weirdly silent. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” Doyoung says, he reaches out to cover Jaehyun’s hand with his own.

Jaehyun slips out of Doyoung’s grasp. “Just woke up feeling tired, that’s all. I should probably go back to the dorm, maybe some rest will do me good.” He smiles, but Doyoung’s known him since he was five. He narrows his eyes at the fake smile.

“Okay, I’ll meet you there later.” He says and Jaehyun nods before exiting the classroom.

 

“Hey, what the fuck was that?” Doyoung says as he opens the dorm room.

“What the fuck was what?” Jaehyun’s lying down on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He’s wearing a sweatshirt, one that completely engulfs his fingertips and he’s playing with some trinket in his fabric covered palms.

“Earlier today? This morning? You just left?”

“I didn’t feel good.”

“Bullshit, you’re never sick.” He sets himself down on Jaehyun’s bed so the other can’t avoid him. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Jaehyun didn’t say anything, for a long time. Doyoung was about to give up and call him a baby when he finally spoke up. “You never told me you got visions.”

Oh. So that’s what this was about. “It wasn’t really important.”

“It’s soulmates,” Jaehyun sits up, “of course it’s important.” He has a new fire in his eyes when he looks at Doyoung that makes the other gulp. “Honestly, you should have fucking told me. Don’t I deserve to know? We’re best friends for fuck’s sake.”

Doyoung narrows his eyes. “You never wanted to talk about soulmate stuff.”

“I—How would you know?”

“You always got so weird whenever I would bring it up, so I just stopped.” Doyoung frowns, “honestly, it’s really not that big of a deal.”

“It’s a big part of your life, so I should at least know something about it.” Jaehyun says harshly.

“Well you know now.”

“Tell me everything.”

“What?”

“Tell me everything you’ve ever seen.”

“What the fuck? God Jaehyun, no!”

“Why not?” Jaehyun says coldly, “I deserve to know.”

“Because—because it’s fucking personal Jaehyun!”

Jaehyun stands up, and so does Doyoung, so they’re standing face-to-face. “Well I want to know the details. Everything.”

“I shouldn’t have to. I have the right to some aspects of privacy. We might live together, but you don’t need to be in my head.” Doyoung spat. “Why do you even want to know?”

“I, I don’t know I just have this weird _hunch_ that—”

“Hunch about what exactly?”

Jaehyun sighed exasperatedly. “It’s not important, just tell me everything. I can, I might be able to figure something out.” Jaehyun rubs his wrist.

“No! I told you, it’s personal!”

“So what?!”

“Well,” Doyoung says, his nostrils flaring with anger, “I’ve known for fucking years that you’ve had a name written on your wrist that you refuse to show anyone. Tell me what’s hiding under that god damn watch and I’ll tell you.” The second the words are out of his mouth Doyoung regrets it as the silence becomes thick between them.

Jaehyun has an unreadable expression on his face. “You’re right. I was overstepping boundaries.” Jaehyun pulls on his shoes and adjusts his sweatshirt to go over his wrists.

“Wait where are you going?” Doyoung asks.

“I think,” Jaehyun sighs, “I’m going to crash at Johnny’s tonight.” He says before walking out of the dorm room without another word. The door slams behind him and Doyoung is alone.

He looks at the bed. There’s a watch lying on the pillow.

 

“Are you guys okay?” Taeyong whispers. They’re in the library, Jaehyun and Johnny had long ago wandered off.

“I don’t know, he came back the next day acting like nothing happened.” Doyoung says.

Taeyong sighs before pulling out a list. “Here’s all the guys in our class. We’ve eliminated a few who’ve never played soccer before, but we don’t know anything about a lot of them.”

“Qian Kun,” Doyoung reads the first name off the list, “he’s cute.”

“Eh, I think Nakamoto Yuta’s cuter.” Doyoung smiles slightly, remembering Johnny’s friend who was the definition of a party. He keeps looking over the list. “You know, maybe you should just talk to him about it.”

Doyoung’s about to speak up when Jaehyun and Johnny return, each carrying a stack of books. Jaehyun sits down next to Doyoung and Doyoung glances quickly at his wrist, his stomach twisting at the sight of an unfamiliar black band.

“It’s fine,” he whispers to Taeyong.

 

Doyoung wakes up, his head spinning. He glances at the clock, groaning when he sees the _2:04 AM_ flashing back at him. He looks over at the bed, sighing when he sees it’s empty.

Jaehyun’s bed is empty more often than not lately, the other going out to party almost every night. He blinks, trying to go back to sleep.

Suddenly he’s not in his bed. The music is pounding and he’s downing a shot as neon lights blind him. The shot burns as it slides down his throat.

“Yeah go J—” Doyoung blinks again.

He groans, trying to ignore the ache in his head while he fumbles for his phone.

**[DOYOUNG]: hsi name st arts w/ a j**

**[TAEYONG]: ?? is this about the soulmate thing? go back to bed u said u were going to fall asleep at 11 today**

**[DOYOUNG]: ok gn**

Doyoung squeezes his eyes shut, determined to go back to sleep. Well, at least his soulmate isn’t a nerd like Doyoung, who’s in bed on a Saturday night.

 

He only gets one more hour before the door to his dorm creeks open, and someone very drunkenly stumbles in. “Jaehyun?” Doyoung whispers, his voice graveley. “Where’d you go?”

“Mm, I was out partying with Johnny,” Jaehyum mumbles, pulling off his jacket and shoes. It’s in this process when he trips over his own feet, Jaehyun barely catching himself on Doyoung’s bed to avoid crashing into the floor.

Doyoung groans, his body being held down by Jaehyun’s as the drunk tries to reconfigure himself only to give up and wrap his arms around Doyoung, his new pillow. “God, stop,” Doyoung mutters.

“You’re comfy,” Jaehyun says, burying his face in Doyoung’s neck. His breath is warm but Doyoung still shivers.

“What’s wrong with you?” Doyoung says, struggling, “go back to your own bed.”

“So many things!” Jaehyun wails, snuggling even deeper into Doyoung’s body, “I’m sorry Doie, I hurt you a few days ago.”

Doyoung sighs, reaching his hands around to rub Jaehyun’s back. “It’s okay.”

“No it’s not,” Jaehyun says, “I don’t like hurting you, not my little bunny.” Doyoung scowls at the nickname but decides to let it slide since Jaehyun is obviously having a mental breakdown.

“Sh,” Doyoung whispers, curling his fingers into the hair on the back of Jaehyun’s neck soothingly. “Just go to sleep.”

Jaehyun’s quiet for a few moments, and Doyoung’s about to drift off to sleep again when he speaks up. It’s so soft he almost misses it. “I know who my soulmate is.”

Doyoung doesn’t say anything, just let’s his hands continue their work at soothing Jaehyun.

“And it’s not like I don’t recognize the name, I see him all the time. B-But, for the longest time I thought I was one of _those_ people, ya know?”

Doyoung pauses in his movements.

“One of those anomalies where the soul-bond is only one-sided and the other person is bonded to someone else,” Jaehyun continues, “because this person, he never—uh what’s the word—signified that he returned anything and I figured, everyone has a way to tell who’s their soulmate, so if he doesn’t sense it back then I guess I don’t have one. And I planned on never telling him because then he’d probably feel guilty and feel like, I don’t know, _obligated_ to date me. That’s not right.” Jaehyun laughs slightly.

Doyoung intakes sharply but Jaehyun’s so gone he doesn’t even notice.

“But like I just learned something that means maybe he _could be_ my soulmate but I just don’t know,” Jaehyun cried out, “I can’t do it,” he says and hugs Doyoung tighter. “I can’t say anything, but I’m so confused because I accepted that I wouldn’t have a soulmate who felt anything for me so long ago, but now there’s a chance that he might actually be mine—” Jaehyun lets out a breathy laugh. “Can you imagine? Knowing your soulmate might love you back?”

“I think you should tell him.” Doyoung whispers.

Jaehyun tenses for a moment, “really?”

“Yeah,” Doyoung says.

Jaehyun yawns. “Maybe, I don’t know.” He blinks heavily. “Probably not.”

“Why?” Doyoung says, struggling to keep his eyes open.

“I’m a coward.”

 

“Kim Jungwoo?” Taeyong asks, biting into his sandwich. “Jeon Jungkook? Joshua Hong?”

“God, how many people have names that start with J in our class?” Johnny asks, picking at his salad.

“Well for starters, you.” Taeyong rolls his eyes. “It’s a very popular letter.”

“Do we have to talk about this everyday?” Jaehyun says, “it’s getting exhausting.”

“I agree with Jaehyun.” Doyoung says, “it’ll happen when it happens.”

Taeyong pouts, “I just want you to be happy.”

“Hey what about you?” Johnny says, “Yongie, maybe we can help you find your soulmate.”

Taeyong shakes his head frantically and Doyoung snickers. “No, I’m good!”

“God, who shoved a stick up his ass,” Doyoung mutters into Taeyong’s ear and Taeyong jabs his elbow into Doyoung’s side.

“Do you think Johnny and I should start a radio show?” Jaehyun asks.

Taeyong shrugs, “Well I think—”

Doyoung blinks.

Suddenly, he’s looking at Taeyong, not Taeyong next to him, but Taeyong _across_ from him.

“—it’s a very good idea—”

Doyoung blinks again.

“—you’d just have to figure out a way to do it.” Taeyong finished.

“What do you think Doyoung?” Johnny asks. “Doyoung?”

“Huh what?” Doyoung says, “oh sorry, I zoned out there for a second.” The inside of his head is a mess. “I think it would be cool.”

“Yeah we’re thinking about it, Jaehyun has a good voice for radio and I bring the charm.”

Doyoung nods, but he’s not really listening. He looks at the two people across from him.

“I think you should 100% do it,” he says, looking at Johnny before staring at Jaehyun. “Don’t be a coward.”

He decides not to tell Taeyong about this vision.

 

It all makes sense, Doyoung thinks as he paces around his room.

He plays soccer, he’s at SNU, he’s in the same gen-ed writing class, he parties, his name starts with a J, _he sat across from Taeyong._

Oh my god, his soulmate has been staring him right in the eyes the entire time and he hasn’t even noticed it before. Was he blind? Was he stupid?

_Could he love him?_

Doyoung pauses in his pacing, not even noticing the door opening behind him.

Yes, he thinks he could.

There’s a thin line between friendship and attraction, and Doyoung’s sure that if they have such a great platonic relationship than love won't be too far behind.

Oh my god he found his soulmate.

“Doyoung,” Jaehyun’s standing in front of him when Doyoung turns around. “Are you okay?”

Doyoung beams, “I’m great actually. What’s up?”

Jaehyun glances at the ground. “I have something to tell you.”

“Really?” Doyoung says, “I do too!”

Jaehyun’s surprised, “oh?”

“You know how we’ve been trying to find my soulmate?”

“Yeah?” Jaehyun says, miniscule hope in his voice.

“I think—I think I found him.” Doyoung says, his smile stretching ear-to-ear.

“You did?” Jaehyun smiles back, but his hands still nervously wrap around his wrist.

“I can’t believe it, he’s been standing in front of me this whole time!”

“He has?” Jaehyun says, his hand moving away from his watch to grab Doyoung’s hand excitedly. “Who?” He says expectantly.

“Johnny Seo!”

 

Jaehyun drops Doyoung’s hand. “Oh,” he says lightly. His smile is still there, but it’s strained.

“I know!” Doyoung says excitedly, “oh I don’t know how I could’ve been so blind.”

“Yeah.” Jaehyun says, “it was pretty obvious.”

“Oh what did you have to tell me?”

“Me?” Jaehyun says, “it was nothing.” He offers a smile but Doyoung thinks it’s slightly off. He can’t figure out how though. “How are you going to tell him?”

Doyoung’s grin falters. “I don’t know.”

Jaehyun’s lips purse together. “Leave that all up to me, okay?” He says softly.

“Oh Jaehyun, you don’t have to—”

“I _want_ to. You’re my forever friend remember? I’ll always stay by your side.” He lifts up his wrist, revealing the brown leather band and engraved gold watch.

“You started wearing it again?” Doyoung says softly.

“Of course,” Jaehyun says but is cut off by Doyoung suddenly flinging himself into Jaehyun’s arms.

“I love you, you’re my best friend.” Doyoung mutters and Jaehyun’s hands gingerly rest against Doyoung’s back.

“I love you too.”

 

He’s in a park. It’s beautiful outside as Doyoung sits on a park bench, his knee shaking with nerves.

“Hey calm down okay, I’ll be here if you need me,” Taeyong says.

“You mean, you’ll be hiding in the bushes behind us so you can get photos of the occasion because you and Jaehyun insisted.”

“Yes, that’s what I mean,” Taeyong says, brandishing the camera. “Oh my god, I can’t believe my two best friends are soulmates! This is so exciting.”

“Isn’t it?”

“It’s funny,” Taeyong smiles, “I always thought you and Jaehyun were going to end up together.”

“What me and _Jaehyun?”_

“Oh shit, he’s coming!” Taeyong yelped and ducked into the bushes.

“Hey,” Johnny waves. “Jaehyun told me you wanted to talk. What’s up?”

Doyoung pats the spot next to him on the bench. “I just had a couple of things to talk about.”

Johnny sits down, leaving about a foot of space between them. “Like what?”

“What do you think of soulmates?”

“Soulmates?” Johnny furrows his brows, “why?”

“We’ve been talking about it so much I just wanted to know what you thought of it.”

“Well I think that they’re a great thing, but I’d like to know why they exist.”

“Do you want to find yours?”

Johnny glances nervously at Doyoung, “I guess so, doesn’t everyone?”

“Johnny, what’s your soulmate identifier?”

“Uh,” Johnny says “that’s kind of a loaded question, huh? Why don’t we just settle for ‘ignorance is bliss?’” He inches to the edge of the bench.

 _“Johnny,”_ Doyoung says.

Johnny gulps. “Yes?”

“How come you’re so afraid of touching any of us?”

Five things happen in succession.

One. Johnny stands up, saying “oh I think I have to go I forgot I needed to help Yuta with something!”

Two. A trio of kids run by, being chased by Qian Kun, who’s weirdly wearing a t-shirt labeled ‘World’s Best Uncle.’

Three. One of the little snot rags slams into Johnny’s legs, and to avoid falling forward into the other two kids, Johnny leans back tripping over the edge of the bench to fall into the bushes behind them.

Four. Taeyong yelps as Johnny’s body crashes against him.

Four and a half. At the same time, Doyuong reaches forward, grabbing Johnny’s arms to pull him forward so he doesn’t completely flatten Taeyong.

Five. Johnny’s eyes turn wide, staring at Doyoung but also at everything around him.

“Holy shit,” Johnny breathes out.

“What?” Doyoung says hopefully.

“Everything is in color, holy shit what is all of this stuff?”

“You mean you’re not colorblind anymore? You can see all this?” Doyoung gestures out into the park.

“Yes!” Johnny cries out, “oh my god,” he looks at Doyoung, “it’s beautiful.”

“You know what this means?” Doyoung says quietly. He can hear Taeyong in the background taking pictures in rapid-fire secession.

“We’re soulmates.” Johnny says in shock.

 

“How’d it go?” Jaehyun asks as soon as Doyoung gets back to the dorm.

“Perfectly!” Doyoung sighs happily, “oh Jaehyun, I don’t know why you didn’t want to be there, Taeyong said he almost cried it was so beautiful. You were right, all we had to do was touch and then he knew.”

“I had a lot of work to do.” Jaehyun says lightly. “So it’s true then, Johnny’s your soulmate?”

“Oh I’m so happy, like I didn’t know it was even possible to be this happy!” He says and turns to Jaehyun. “Hey are you okay? You look tired.”

“What? Uh yeah,” Jaehyun blinks and offers a strained smile. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure—”

“We should go out.” Jaehyun says quickly, “all of us. We should all go out for drinks. To celebrate.”

“Ah, okay,” Doyoung says, a little confused. “I guess we owe it to you, you were the one to set this up after all. We’ll do whatever you want!”

Jaehyun pauses from where he was getting ready, looking at Doyoung with an unreadable expression. “Yeah. Whatever I want.”

 

He’s wasted. Scratch that, they’re all wasted. Except maybe Taeyong, who volunteered to be the designated driver. Jaehyun’s knocking back shots like there’s no tomorrow and Johnny and Doyoung were not only drunk on sake, but also each other, clinging to each other’s sides.

There was no way any of them would remember this in the morning.

“You’re so pretty baby,” Johnny drawls, “I don’t know why I never noticed it before.”

“Call me bunny,” Doyoung says back from Johnny’s lap and Jaehyun downs another shot.

“My pretty bunny,” Johnny says and buries his face in Doyoung’s neck.

Taeyong rolls his eyes in disgust. “You know what, bartender I’ll have a drink.”

“What?! But Yongie, you were our DD,” Johnny whined.

“I’ll pay for a thousand Ubers if it means not being sober to see this shit.” Taeyong says and downs the shot like it’s nothing.

“You’re so funny Johnny,” Doyoung says, his head leaning lazily against the other. “Not as funny as Jaehyun though.”

“Ha,” Jaehyun says quietly. Doyoung bursts into laughter.

“See? So funny!”

“Babe, you’re the only one who thinks this is funny.”

“I said, call me bunny!”

“Jesus Christ,” Taeyong lets his head fall in his hands.

“You know,” Johnny hiccups, “you should let loose more Yongie.”

“Oh really?” Taeyong asks, raising one elegant eyebrow.

“Yeah I remember the first thing I thought when I saw you was ‘god, who shoved a stick up his ass!’” Johnny throws his head back in laughter, Doyoung joining him. Neither of them notice Taeyong’s glass pausing in midair.

Doyoung finishes laughing, “that’s so mean baby,” he says. There’s a weird nagging feeling in the back of his head but he figures it’s just the alcohol.

“I think I’m going to go back,” Taeyong says quietly.

“Really?” Doyoung asks, his brows furrowing together. “But it’s so early!”

Taeyong smiles tightly. “I don’t really like partying.” He says, leaving some money on the counter. “Have fun guys.”

“I think I’m going to go too.” Jaehyun says a second later.

“What?” Doyoung pouts, “why?”

Jaehyun scowls. “Just have a good time with each other. It’s what you wanted, right?”

Doyoung’s too drunk, but he still narrows his eyes. “Okay.” He says as Jaehyun walks out of the bar.

“Don’t worry about them baby, now we have each other all to ourselves.” Johnny smirks, his fingers digging into Doyoung’s waist.

“Call me bunny,” Doyoung giggles.

 

Johnny and Doyoung are happy. “Hey baby,” Johnny says, walking up behind Doyoung in the hallway and hooking his arm around his boyfriend’s waist.

Taeyong looks away while Johnny dips his head down to capture Doyoung’s lips in a sweet kiss. “How’ve you been?” Doyoung says.

“Busy,” Johnny shrugs. “Jaehyun and I think everything is set up for the radio show, but there’s still a lot that we have to do.”

“It should be good,” Taeyong smiles weakly.

“Thanks Yongie,” Johnny says, his eyes softening. “You’re always so supportive.” Doyoung frowns.

“Taeyong and I were going to go to the library to study. You wanna come?” Doyoung asks.

“Can’t,” Johnny says, “I have a big project for class that I’ve avoided and it’s due tonight.” He shrugs, “maybe next time?”

Doyoung purses his lips together. “Yeah,” he says. Johnny gives Doyoung a quick peck before running off.

“Bye babe, bye yongie!”

They make it to the library, Taeyong setting his books down at their usual table. “What do you have today?” Doyoung asks, “I have an essay.”

Taeyong hums, flipping open his notebook. He sighs, looking down at the list of vocabulary words. “How are you two?”

“Huh?” Doyoung looks up. “Johnny and I? We’re fine.”

“Happy?”

Doyoung shrugs, “of course. Why wouldn’t we be?”

Taeyong looks at Doyoung briefly before going back to his notes. “Just wondering.”

“You know,” Doyoung leans forward, “he’s like a little kid right now. At the park, when he tripped and I caught him—by the way, was your camera alright?”

“My camera? Oh!” Taeyong says and suddenly his cheeks are flushed lightly. “Yeah it was fine. Johnny mostly landed on me in the bushes, not the camera.”

“Ah, good.” Doyoung nods, “anyways, at the park right afterwards he was just running around looking at everything—you remember right? I can’t imagine what it’s like to live in black-and-white and then suddenly _bam!_ Everything’s in color, it’s like the Wizard of Oz.”

Taeyong pauses. “You must talk about it a lot.”

Doyoung furrows his brows, “no, actually.”

“Oh.” Taeyong says, “well it’s good that you two are happy.”

“Yeah,” Doyoung says. “We’re fine.” And they were, everything was completely, 100%, honestly, just, fine. Doyoung thinks—knows he’s happy, but there’s this weird _feeling_ he can’t place—

No. Not everything’s like movies, Doyoung’s just confused. This is all so new, that must be it. It’s fine if he feels exactly the same as how he did before they started dating, obviously it’s normal. Love might not be what Doyoung expected, but expectations really mean nothing. He looks up.

“Don’t worry about us Taeyong.” Doyoung smiles, but it doesn’t really reach his eyes.

“I wasn’t,” Taeyong says lightly.

Doyoung places his hand over Taeyong’s. “You’ll find your soulmate one day, I know you will. And then you’ll be as happy as Johnny and I.”

Taeyong smiles weakly. “Right.”

 

Doyoung blinks.

He’s sitting in a small room, examining a bunch of technology that Doyoung vaguely resembles as a microphone set up and headsets. “Hey, JCC is about to become a reality,” a fuzzy voice says, the vision blurring the speaker. “Aren’t you excited?”

He blinks again.

He’s back in his dorm room, no microphones in front of him.

“Hey are you okay?” Taeyong looks up from where he’s sitting on the floor, watching a shitty reality show on Doyoung’s laptop.

“Yeah,” Doyoung mutters, leaning back on his bed and flopping against the blankets. “I just had another vision. It was about their radio station.”

“Oh?” Taeyong’s eyebrows raise, but he keeps his eye on the screen.

“I thought they were supposed to stop after we had our first kiss, that’s what my mom said anyways.”

Taeyong’s silent for a few seconds. “Ah.”

Doyoung frowns, staring at the ceiling. “It’s really nothing though, right?” Taeyong doesn’t reply so Doyoung does instead. “I mean, it’s pretty common for nuances to happen, like children don’t usually inherit 100% of their parent’s soulmate identifier.”

“Yeah that’s probably it,” Taeyong says.

“Well,” Doyoung laughs, but he’s not sure if it’s completely genuine. “At least now I’ll be able to figure out if he’s cheating on me.”

Taeyong sighs. “Yeah.” He looks over at Doyoung, and exhaustion seems to excrete from every pore on his body. “I’m happy for you two, I really am.”

Doyoung looks at his friend, masking his concern. “Thank you.”

 

Over the next months, Doyoung gets more visions. It’s simple stuff, easy. Eating lunch, brushing teeth, once, even taking a shower. Doyoung still flushes pink when he thinks about that.

It’s things that are so normal, they could be accredited to anyone. But there’s a few details Doyoung savors. A familiar sweatshirt, a glimpse of Johnny’s dorm room, the same homework assignments. Doyoung doesn’t tell anyone about the visions anymore, not even Taeyong.

Life is perfect.

But right now, he’s standing in front of the door to his dorm room, unable to do anything but press his ear against the wood. The walls were always too thin. He thinks he can hear Jaehyun in there, and someone else.

“You don’t look very good.” Taeyong?

“I’m not.” Jaehyun answers.

“Why not? The radio show is a success.”

“You know why,” Jaehyun sighs. “At least he’s happy.”

“Is he?”

“That’s what he told you.”

“Yeah, he keeps saying that but I don’t really believe it.” Taeyong says. Doyoung furrows his brows. “You should just tell him—”

“And what would he do?” Jaehyun says, “he’s so happy, I’ll just ruin it.”

There was a pause. “It’s killing you. Jaehyun, I don’t know the last time I saw you happy.”

“It’s like, it’s like I’d already accepted that he’ll never reciprocate my feelings and then all of a sudden I had hope for the first time in years. But now, I don’t really have anything again. It’s cruel,” Jaehyun sighs, “I never thought I’d have to go through heartbreak again.”

“What if—”

“What if nothing.” Jaehyun says harshly, “he’s my soulmate but I’m not his. That’s just how it works, it happens in life. I’m an anomaly.”

“You’re a coward.”

Jaehyun laughs bitterly, “well, we both are. Aren’t we?”

Doyoung backs up from the door, his mind spinning. He barely looks back as he runs across campus, finally slamming open Johnny’s door.

“Woah, babe what’s wrong?” Doyoung barrels into Johnny’s arms.

“I dunno.” He mutters. Johnny’s arms feel nice. They’re built and strong, but he can’t help thinking that they’re not perfect.

“It’s fine,” Johnny says, resting his chin on Doyoung’s head. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

But it’s not that Doyoung doesn’t want to, he just genuinely doesn’t know. He’s so confused, like his entire world was flipped upside down, but he doesn’t know _why._ Why that overheard conversation affected him so much, why his heart was pounding.

“Johnny, I love you.” Doyoung says. There’s a sour feeling in his mouth and a sinking one in his stomach.

“I love you too,” Johnny hugs Doyoung tighter to his chest. “You’re the best thing to ever happen to me.”

Doyoung doesn’t say anything in return, just buries his face further into Johnny’s body.

 

It’s been a year. Doyoung can hardly believe it, not when the time went by so fast. Johnny had moved out of his dorm from freshman year, now renting a nearby apartment. Doyoung still rooms with Jaehyun, but he basically lives in Johnny’s place.

It’s awkward now, between him and Jaehyun. It has been for a long time, but Doyoung refuses to address it. He just keeps running away to Johnny and Jaehyun does the same to Taeyong.

He uses the keys Johnny gave him months ago to unlock the door, setting his book bag down next to the door. “Johnny, I’m home!” He said, wandering into the apartment.

Johnny’s cooking, and Doyoung can smell the scent of stir-fried vegetables and chicken wafting through the air.

“What’s this?” Doyoung asks, walking up behind Johnny and leaning forward to peck the back of his neck.

“Happy anniversary baby,” Johnny says, turning around and pulling Doyoung into a proper kiss.

Doyoung pulls back, grinning. “Oh you shouldn’t have.”

“I wanted to, I love you.” Johnny says. Doyoung smiles in return.

“I’ll set out the plates,” he says softly.

The clock ticks in the background as Doyoung and Johnny eat their dinner. “Classes are going well,” Johnny says, “I’m finally done with my gen-eds which means moving to my actual psychology classes.”

“That’s exciting,” Doyoung nods before chewing on another piece of pepper.

Johnny sighs, standing up. “Do you want wine?”

“Sure.” Doyoung says, looking down. He blinks.

He’s not in Johnny’s kitchen, that’s for sure. He _knows_ Johnny’s in his kitchen. He _should_ be seeing Johnny pick out a bottle of wine from his unnecessarily large collection.

But he’s not. He’s in his dorm room, looking down at his hands.

There’s an old gold watch on his wrist, and the hands fumble with taking off the old leather band, a familiar inscription on the underside. But Doyoung doesn’t care about the watch. Not when swirly lettering is inked across the wrist, the black cursive plain as day.

_Kim Doyoung._

The person sighs, before he glances over at the mirror. Doyoung blinks.

Jaehyun’s eyes staring back at him is burnt into his mind as Doyoung realizes he’s back, sitting at Johnny’s table, waiting for Johnny to give him wine, on his anniversary.

“Are you okay?” Johnny asks, pouring dark red wine in Doyoung’s glass. “You blanked out there for a second.”

Doyoung looks at Johnny. “I’m fine.” He says quietly, anything but fine.

He made a mistake. He needs to undo everything. He needs to leave, but he can’t, not when Johnny’s looking at him with so much love and opens his mouth to speak.

“Thank you for coming into my life Kim Doyoung, I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Johnny says, gingerly holding Doyoung’s hand.

Doyoung needs to leave, but he can’t. “I care about you, so much.” Doyoung says. He means it, Johnny is a good person through-and-through. His life is infinitely better with him in it. Doyoung knows Johnny deserves true love. He knows leaving him would mean destroying one of the people closest to him.

Doyoung is a lot of things, but he’s not selfish.

So he hardens his heart, resigns himself to forget all about the visions. “To us.” Doyoung says, lifting his glass, ignoring the way his stomach crawls.

“To us.” Johnny repeats, “may we stay by each other’s sides forever.”

Doyoung smiles weakly, lifting the glass to his lips and sipping the dark red wine. It’s sour, and blends well with the chaos going on inside Doyoung’s head.

“I love you, Doyoung.” It’s not the right person saying it, Doyoung’s head screams. He ignores it.

“I love you too.” He’s trapped.

  


**Author's Note:**

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